The Day After The Date: Do You Call?
Without a doubt dating etiquette has taken a beating since the advent of The Internet.
Over the last 15 years books have been written, lectures given and dating advice websites have grown faster than a California wild fire.
When should you call someone after a date?
First off, we are considering that the date went well. If it didn’t turn out too well, then the rule is to call 2 days after the date and keep the call short. Say something like this: “You’re a nice guy/girl but I just didn’t feel any chemistry between us” and get off the phone as quickly as possible.
When the date went well consider this as the proper etiquette for after-the-date phone calling schedule:
- First date: call two days after the date, keep the call short, thank the person for the date and suggest a second date (be prepared to offer a place to meet for the date, don’t just call without a second date plan in mind), keep the call under two minutes, don’t drag the conversation on. Email is ok, but just short messages, don’t drone on about things. No IM (Instant Messenger), no texting.
- Second date: call two days after the date. You are allowed to talk a little longer but the call should not go longer than 5 minutes. A third date should not be scheduled unless there is something very “one-timeish” to go to, like a concert or sporting event, otherwise a second call, the day after this call is when the third date should be suggested. Email is ok, as long as it’s short, no IM, no texting.
- Third date: the time between dates and calls moves to calling the next day, when possible. It’s also the time when you can now say “I’ll call you again at time-x”, time-x being the day/time you will call. You shouldn’t be telling the person when to expect your call until after the third date. Emails ok, feel free to share interesting things but no more than one email a day, texting is Ok, Im is ok but only for a few minutes a day, do weird the person out or start to be clingy and attention-seeking.
- Fourth date: You are now into the “safe zone’ of making regular calls and talking a little longer (still never more than 10 minutes on the phone), emails ok, texting ok ans IM is ok but always short and to the point messages, don’t drone on about any one subject. Don’t complain about work, friends, or movie stars, you’re not that involved yet.
- Fifth date: you’ve done well, keep all messages, calls, IM and texts to the point. Don’t drone on, you’ll seem cling, attention-seeking and maybe a little stalkerish.
You’ve passed the major part of the dating cycle. Now, keep messages and calls to the point, don’t drag conversations out, avoid awkward silences and pregnant pauses and you’ll continue to be a great date.
Note: this timetable of calls is not dependent on one person always making the call and the other being the answerer. It’s OK to be the one that makes the call first but the schedule applies to both people. For instance, if you’ve received the “thank you for the date” call, you don’t call to also that the person for the date.
What if he doesn’t call?
Waiting for him to call...
Now, while I can give a general answer to this question, a more detailed and personal answer all depends on the exact circumstances of the meeting and where/what happened later on with the guy.
If he simply approached you and asked for your number/email address, then a regular guy will contact you within the next three days. If he doesn’t call then feel free to ask him some tough questions like:
- why didn’t he call sooner?
- what are his intentions?
- what are his plans about getting together again? Are they solid “Let’s do this…” plans or does he just expect you to hang out with him, somewhere, somewhen?
If you just met him and then you spent some time together, hanging out, partying, whatever, you should expect a call the next day to ask you if you had fun and to make tentative plans for the next week or weekend. If he’s a regular guy, that is.
If you went beyond just hanging out and you made out or went “very far” sexually with him, getting a call for more than a repeat of the “booty call” you had is usually far-fetched.
When guy’s get a lot of “action” from a woman he usually doesn’t behave very well afterwards. He will expect, at the very least, a repeat performance without having to “officially” be dating you. Much more like a “Friends With Benefits” type arrangement. Which really sucks.
So, to break this down, you can expect a guy to call you within three or four days after getting your number, or contacting you by email/instant messenger, if he approached you just for your name and number/email and you only chatted for a few minutes.
If you behaved more sexually towards him he should call you wihin two days, or you’re welecome to ream him out with the tough questions above.
Ladies, always remember, you have the power over the guys you date and as soon as you give up that power of choice, you become a slave to him emotionally and you end up in a restricted relationship that goes nowhere, despite your best efforts.
*Regular guys aren’t on the lookout for easy sex or just picking women up. They have respect for themselves and others.
