Santa Gifts: Dating Profile Headline of the Day

Cheating Santa out of his...

We are now moving into the “Merry all ye gentlemen” period of crap that grabs a hold of people and relentlessly shakes the shit out of their wallets and scratches the hell out of the magnetic strips on their credit cards.

Now, I’m not going to declare myself immune to the temptations of the celebration. I’ve been known to wander aimlessly through the malls, without a gift idea between my ears, and walk out several thousand dollars poorer. Ce la vie.

I hope you stick to your gift buying list better than I, or at least only gave out your gift lift to others and did not accept any lists in return. “Sorry, honey, I couldn’t find your list so I got you this box of jelly filled donuts…. You’re welcome…. Stop throwing things at me! Save the donuts for later!”

And if you have no one to give a great gift to, then take the money and start a savings account for a great vacation for two. Then when you’ve saved enough money for two tickets, go yourself if you’re still single. Just go for twice as long! Or take that great person you met a Perfectmatch.com and have the time of your life. (I will leave the choice on what to do to you.)

The list of people who aren’t great and don’t deserve a gift can be short (if you’re happy) and long if you’re seeking Christmas (pissed off) revenge. I will not start or end your list, but I will say “Don’t leave out milk and cookies for Santa. He’s not coming.”

And since we are now covering a wide range of topics that include buying gifts, not giving great gifts, saving money for a hedonist vacation and, finally, cheating Santa out of his standard reward, let’s complete this massacre of a post with this headline that will dramatically increase the replies you get to your online profile:
“Do you want me to put a good word in for you with Santa? We’re buddies.”

Have a great day!