How Hard Is To Meet People For Dating, REALLY? by Elena Solomon by Elena Solomon
Many men and women feel that it’s hard to meet people for dating.
I can quite relate to this feeling because I used to feel exactly the same: that all people around me were involved or married, and if someone was not, then they were of little interest to me (or anyone else, for this matter) because they just would not be good enough. In other words, I was feeling that all WORTHY people were attached, and only unworthy people were available. (This immediately put myself in the unworthy category, too - but I didn’t realize it until now that I was doing it to myself!)
I know I am not alone in this feeling; it’s probably typical of single people to feel this way. This problem becomes especially acute if you are over the age of 25 - human animal is a pairing creature, and you simply feel out of place in the couples’ world. Everyone seems to have someone special in their life… everyone, that said, except you.
Even if you see an attractive stranger, you are frozen with fear: what if she (he) has a boyfriend (girlfriend)? Sure she does… she is so gorgeous!
The truth is, about 90% of people around you ARE involved or married - which is good news, because it also means that about 10% of them are single and looking!
Just imagine: one person out of every ten is on the lookout for a date!!
How many people do you pass every day?
Every tenth of them is looking to hook up with someone!
Once you realize it, things instantly become easier.
You don’t feel that suffocated for dating prospects anymore - you realize there is a whole big world of singles out there, just waiting for you to discover them! How many people are on this globe today? About six billion? Well, about six hundred million of them are single! Mate, you are in a good company.
You
know what is REAL REASON behind not meeting enough dating prospects?
It’s because you aren’t REALLY LOOKING.
What do I mean by that?
Exactly what I said: if you are REALLY LOOKING, you will be meeting enough dating prospects, period.
Because if you are REALLY LOOKING, you will soon discover that the world is STUFFED with dating prospects.
The first
thing here is to ADMIT that you are looking.
You will be surprised how many people don’t do it!
They are going through their daily motions desperately HOPING to meet someone, but they would never admit that they are LOOKING!
Why?
Because they feel it’s a shame to be single - most of their colleagues and friends are involved or married, and they feel they lack something important because they do not have a partner. They feel that admitting they are single and looking automatically means admitting they are unworthy - because they could not attract a mate.
So, they put on a brave face, and tell everyone that they are simply “not interested” in a relationship - or they endlessly complain how difficult it is to meet someone, (trying to put the blame on someone else - the world, the other people - outside themselves) while doing absolutely NOTHING to change the situation.
This is what I call, “NOT really looking”.
You decided in advance you cannot find what you really want, and set yourself up to failure. All what happens afterwards, you just make it come true. Whether you think you can do it or not, you are going to be right!
Then, what is “REALLY LOOKING”?
“REALLY LOOKING” is when you are looking for someone 24/7, and treat every person you come across as a possible dating prospect. You are ALWAYS in the “dating mode”. At work, at the grocery shop, at your doctor’s waiting room - everywhere!
Flirting, smiling, laughing, making jokes - all this stuff that you are doing when you are trying to charm someone. Does not matter whether they are married or not - they will still enjoy your attention! So, don’t worry about them taking you “the wrong way”; they are much more likely to be flattered you took fancy in them.
If they seem to respond positively, you can probe deeper whether they are single - either directly, (“Are you single?”) which is the best, or indirectly (“Where do you live? Who do you live with?”). If they live alone, then you will be wise to assume they are available - even people having steady partners today maybe free tomorrow; you’d better take the most optimistic approach! If they are not in a committed relationship and don’t live with anyone, chances are, their current romance (*IF* there is one) won’t work and they will become available - and they’ll remember your interest!
Creating connections helps in many ways: you feel more confident, secure and attractive. It also helps you to feel desired and sexy, and practice your charms without the threat of being rejected.
Of course if you are not used to talking to strangers, you may feel a bit apprehensive at first.
A great way of removing this apprehension is to imagine that you are not talking to a stranger; you are talking to YOURSELF, just in a different body. It’s your “second half”, your soul mate, the extension of you. How someone talking to YOUSELF should feel? How would you WANT them to feel? Snatch this feeling and use it for contacting cute strangers. You are not taking anything from them - you are going to make their day! Decide that your ultimate motivation is to put a smile on their face - it’s NOT trying to get something from them. If you managed to put a smile on their face, you are a winner!
Start with simply smiling at people: see how many of them will return your smile (90% and more!) Just SMILE to people - you don’t have to even TALK. Try it for a few days, until it becomes your second nature.
Then add a greeting to the smile, like “Hello” or “How are you?” Again, try it for a few days (or weeks), until you are completely comfortable doing that.
Then strike a simple conversation about something casual, such as weather, current events, etc - it only sounds scary, it’s actually not! They don’t “think” anything about you, they just think you are a nice, friendly person - who also thinks THEY are worthy and nice, because you are TALKING to them! (Would not you want someone friendly and nice express interest in YOU? Even if they weren’t your dream date, you would still feel good about being recognized and valued. So don’t worry what they think of you - they like it! :-))
If you are still not completely comfortable approaching strangers without a good reason, search around for places that need volunteer collectors - there are multitude of charities out there that are dying for help - and then ask people you find attractive to donate money, sign a petition, etc, etc.
Men and women are EVERYWHERE!
It’s a big secret (so please don’t tell anyone) but about 50% of people that you meet every day are either MEN or WOMEN. Just get out of the house and you will meet literally thousands of them!
Getting out and communicating with lots of people is the second best option for anyone who strives to have more dating prospects.
Which one is the first? I thought you’d never ask…
Of course…ONLINE DATING!
This is the ONLY place on the face of Earth (and on its bottom) where every single person you meet is LOOKING FOR SOMEONE - millions of them!
Even if you are VERY shy, you can still sit down and write a few paragraphs about yourself and then drop a line to ANYONE on the website.
Not enough dating
prospects??
C’mon, there are thousands of dating websites - for any taste, and
you are sure to find the one that suits you.
If you think online dating is for losers who cannot meet someone in “real life”, think again - reportedly, Gery Halliwell, Salma Hayek and lots of other celebrities are big funs of online dating sites. You never know who are you chatting with… what if??
Remember the saying, “If you have the time to complain about it, you have the time to DO something about it”.
So, stop
complaining about the lack of dating prospects.
Just start looking for them.
REALLY LOOKING.
Elena Solomon is a dating coach.
Her latest book "12 Simple Rules" became #1 'Love and Romance' bestseller in the leading ebook distribution service in just ONE WEEK after the release. It shows you exactly how you can have MORE love, MORE money and MORE success in your life. Don't read this book if you want to keep your life just the way it is.
