by Carol Allen
I don't know about you, but I've probably read every self-help and relationship book ever written.
It all started in Junior High School when I tripped over a book in the women's locker room called, "Life After Life."
It was about people who had undergone hypnotherapy and had remembered their past lives.
Amazingly, while hypnotized, they'd recite the names of people long dead, and the events of the past with astonishing accuracy - things they had never known of before, like what kinds of coins were used in different countries at different times, when natural disasters had occurred, historic events, and more.
The most riveting part to my preadolescent mind was that often, just by being hypnotized and recalling a trauma in another incarnation, such as a wound or a murder, people's previously "unfounded fears" and relationship problems would vanish.
The woman afraid of water would remember she'd drowned in a past life and just by connecting with that memory, she'd no longer be afraid of water.
The woman who was a nun in her last life would no longer be so shy and uncomfortable with dating in this one.
The man unnaturally angry at his mother all the time, would remember his past life in which she abandoned him, and he'd no longer be angry.
It was so cool.
Once I read this book, it was like the proverbial floodgates opened.
I had to know why people were the way they were, and especially what to do about relationships.
Even way back before High School, I'd go to my local library and grab a huge pile of books, devour them in days, and return the next week for another huge pile.
I rarely read fiction or romance novels - I was too intrigued by the real life stuff to care much about the make-believe material.
So, by the time I was in my twenties, I pretty much thought I had heard it all.
I knew all about everything in the mundane world of human relationships - including psychology, sociology, anthropology, communication, human sexuality, as well as information from the more New-Age realms, such as spirit guides, beings from other dimensions, life after death, you name it...
Yep, I was a veritable "know it all..."
But one day while at a relationship seminar put on by The Sterling Institute of Relationship (gotta give credit where credit is due here), I heard something that made me so excited I literally leapt from my chair for joy.
It was so amazing to me that I knew instantly it could forever change relationships between men and women for the better.
(And even keep them from having to be born into lifetime after lifetime to "get it right" - they could actually get it right THIS time!)
This one simple idea is so profound that I consider it the ALL-TIME absolutely most critical key to succeeding in love.
What is it, you ask?
Simple...
"Give him what he wants, when he wants it - no more, no less."
Ahhh...
Take that in for a moment.
Imagine, if you were in a relationship in which your partner always gave you what you wanted when you wanted it - no more, no less.
How would that be?
That'd be pretty great, actually.
You'd feel so supported, and so accepted for who you are and what you need, that you'd feel really good about, and around, your partner.
You'd feel so much goodwill for him that you'd want to give him what he wanted when he wanted it, too!
And pretty soon, everyone would be getting what they wanted, when they wanted it, and your life together would just be a big old lovefest!
Well, that's how it is when you do this for a man.
(And yes, I encourage men to do the same for their women...)
There's just two little catches with this - in order to be able to do this for a man, he must be emotionally healthy and the right man for you.
If he is, you'll find that he'll quickly give you what YOU want, when YOU want it, too!
And you'll be forever happy together.
Sounds easy, right?
Well, it's not...
Giving him what he wants, when he wants it means sometimes giving UP something you want.
It means that if he wants to go on a trip with "the guys," but you want him to go to your girlfriend's wedding, you let him go on his trip with the guys...
It means if he has a hobby that you think takes away from your precious time together, you support his hobby.
It means that if he wants to eat something you think isn't healthy for him, you don't try to stop him and keep him from eating it.
Basically, it means giving up control.
Gulp...
Here's why it works like magic.
When you give a man what he wants, when he wants it, you're doing so many important things all at once.
You're essentially saying to him, "I trust you. I admire how you live your life. I think you can make your own decisions. I know you will always do what's best. I respect who you are and the choices you make."
Most of all, you'll be saying to him, "What you want is valid and important to me."
Which will make him run to the nearest flower stand and buy you a huge bouquet of your favorite blooms... or a jewelry store and buy you fabulous jewels...
It really is like saying all of that to a man.
And, by doing so, you'll make him feel absolutely fantastic with you, and he'll like his life as much as he possibly can with you.
When you DON'T give a man what he wants when he wants it, you're doing exactly the opposite.
You're telling him, "I don't trust you. I have the better idea. I need to monitor you and manage you, or you'll just be a big mess. You don't know what you're doing, and the things you want aren't valid or important to me."
See why this could make him run screaming for the nearest exit?
So, you have to give him what he wants, when he wants it - no more, no less. And if you do, you'll quickly come to find that if you do so often enough, and sincerely enough, when the things you want are in conflict - like when he has a "guy's night" and you have a friend's coed wedding shower on the same night, he'll pick your event and blow off the guys...
Because he WANTS to.
Now, I know what you may be thinking about now...
You may be thinking, "What are you CRAZY? If I give him what he wants, when he wants it, isn't that just me being a big doormat? Isn't that me being co-dependent? Isn't that me playing the fool?"
Good question.
That's why I said, "If he's HEALTHY and the right man FOR YOU..."
Giving a man "what he wants, when he wants it" only works with a healthy man that is the right man for you.
Because, if he's not emotionally healthy then what he wants won't be reasonable to you.
And if he's not the right man for you, then what he wants won't work for you.
He may want to be able to date other women, spend all his time looking at pornography, or do drugs...
(By the way, NEVER give a man what he wants if what he wants requires that you go against your values or morals, or endangers your health, property, or children! Whew - had to make that clear!)
So trying out this "give him what he wants" stuff can help you to decide if he's the man of your dreams... or nightmares.
And if you've committed to him, it's absolutely the way to bring forward the best of him.
So the next time the man in your life wants something and you don't know how to respond, think of this principle as your guiding star, and say YES.
Even if it's not what you really feel like doing.
And sit back and be amazed...
And if you're wondering if the man in your life is the man for you worthy of such unconditional support but aren't sure, consider running a compatibility report with him.
"The Right Man Report" can tell you at a glance if you and a man are on the same wavelength and have enough mutual agreement to be able to easily support one another - or if doing what I'm suggesting here will be just agony and hard work.
You can know if you and a man have the same sensibility, shared meaning and purpose together, friendship and easy affinity, and the ability to easily move forward as a couple, or if, no matter what you do, you'll always be left confused and frustrated with him.
Even if you truly love a man and treat him like a king, sometimes you just don't have enough common ground and shared understanding to be happy together.
And it's no one's fault, but such a relief to understand at last...
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And my God and his planets and stars give you what you want when you want it! :)
Carol Allen
