When we have control, real control, over our own actions
then life is lived easier. There is no mistake, if you are powerless
over the things you do and say then you are powerless to be part of
a lasting, committed relationship.
Think about it. Think
about the last time you "lost it" and gave in to automatic,
unthought-through words and actions.
Did it make you feel
A sense of relief?
Or did you still
have left-over thoughts and emotions of the event?
you think the other person(s) felt after you were done acting and
talking the way you did?
Conflict is a natural human
emotion. Instinctively we work to protect ourselves, to protect
those around us. But this "self-preservation: instinct has to be
under control except in extreme emergencies.
follow those feelings, and live an emotional life, who could
possibly keep up with you?
Think a moment the last time
you went through an "emotional ride" of a moment. Where was your
support? Did you "end the ride" and still have dignity left or were
you reduced to fleeing, apologizing, or trying to make amends later
Emotions are a great instinct. The keep us a live, they
allow our personality to be friendly, secure, loving, strong. But
they can also lead us down another road: antagonistic, insecure,
uncaring and weak.
Powerful words need not be shouted out
Powerful words have their power because of
the true intent behind them. Powerful words directly lead to action.
Finding these powerful words takes a lot of training.
are inside you, the next in line behind the emotional outpouring you
usually go through when in an emotional state.
emotions coming out first is what needs to be conquered. Slammed
back, so that the words have power come to come to bat first. They
come first to your tongue, controlled, responding with intelligence,
Pauses in your sentence, time-outs of a
second or two so you can "choose your words", your words of power,
will help to re-enforce the power of your words.
use language to verbally get our point across, to ask a questions,
to make an informed comment… even to write an article, the tone, the
phrasing, the visible body language all must agree with what is
Now, I'm not going to dwell on your past use of
words. I'm sure you could easily list a few disagreements
that didn't go your way, or did and turned out awfully, only because
the words used were an "emotional reaction to the event at hand".
In that last example (of which I hope you've admitted to yourself to
having a few) we can shed some light on "words of power" and
how the effect not just our future, your future, but how people from
that point forward may react to us.
So let's move this
emotional level of talking to the next level, the level of speaking
and reacting thoughtfully.
This is an easy exercise that I
hope you give a try for the next couple of days.
Start a list, right now, thinking up all the "automatic" questions
you are asked in a day and the ":automatic" responses you provide.
Let's say you're going to get your morning coffee at your usual
coffee shop. You are asked a certain way by the server, you reply
almost automatically, just like you've done dozens of time before.
In this exercise I want you to slow down. Avoid the automatic.
Put some thought, change your pattern, ask what the server sees more
people adding to their coffee or what people are liking that is new.
Maybe try something new, maybe not. But by breaking out of the
"automatic habit" you're opening the door to "Choosing your words"
because you've paused, considered other options, discussed other
options and continued from there.
You may have other daily
activities that have become so routine that you barely even notice
you're completing them. Whatever those daily ritual are I want you
to stop, think, consider and choose your words and speak with a firm
voice your considered reply.
It's really a positive
step to getting what you want when you stop, listen, consider
options and "choose your words" to express your decision, without
opening the nasty can of emotional words that just "wants to get
Choosing your words puts an end to the
easy life. The emotional life that wa running you into the ground.
And separating you from the men you love because men speak on a
logical level (most men anyways) and to communicate with them, and
get your way, emotional pleas really don't work.
like thick bricks when trying to understand the "womanese of
emotional language". Intense years of training needs to be
conducted by that one special woman that can communicate with a
man on his level, and yet maintain her own method of control
Do you understand how all this works
Change does come.
The control you'll have will be a
revelation, greater control over your love life, your romantic
interests and even your career. And it all starts with a "pause" and "thoughtful consideration".
There are specific things you can do to raise your self-esteem that will make you irresistible to a man.
To learn more visit Rori's website and grab some of her relationship tools.
You'll discover a whole new way of relating to men that will make you feel better about yourself while you find the relationship of your dreams.